Birthday Pictures

 Happy 6th Birthday Timmy!

                         

Here are a few pictures that were taken today, Timmy's Birthday. We didn't have a party, persea,. Dad fixed one of Timmy's FAVORITE meals, sauteed shrimp, roasted garlic with herbs potatoes and green beans and Hawaiian Delight.  Dad also bought a Chocolate Mousse with raspberry creme center. Not one of Timmy's all time favorites. If Timmy had his way, his birthday cake would be strawberry with applesauce. Timmy's BIG birthday party will be at school with all of his classmates on Friday.

The six things about you that make me smile. (In no particular order)

1. Your award winning personality.

2. Your photo-genic smile.

2. Your contageous laughter.

4. Hearing you call me MaMa. (Even though I can't get you to say "I Love You!")

5. Your upbeat nature in the mornings.

6. Your willingness and eagerness to learn and to please others with what you have learned.

We still have a long tough road ahead of us, but together we will make it through.

MsMa Loves You!

Look At Me!

This is the very last picture of Timmy at age 5 years old. Tomorrow the little boy that we were told would not survive will be 6 years old! He has come a Loooong way since his birth developmentally. Last year at this time, he would have NEVER been able to stand up like this, not even for a short time. Tonight he stood by his bed unsupported for over 5 minutes.

Timmy and his older brother Zachary.

The Impact of Childhood Disability: The Parent's Struggle

This article was shared on the Bilateral Anophthalmia support group, in which I am a member. I found the article to be very interesting as well as enlightening. It really made me step back, take a long look at myself, my life with Timmy and what it really takes to be able to "cope' with the loss of a "normal" child and to be able to accept the disabled child that I so whole heartedly love!

After reading the article, What do you think? Has he hit the nail square on the head or does what he is say not make any sense to you?
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The Impact of Childhood Disability: The Parent's Struggle


by Ken Moses, Ph.D.

I was taught that the way to deal with adversity or pain was to "tough it out." If you could avoid showing the pain, then you had "beaten the rap," and dealt with the problem competently. I am a psychologist who works with people who are grieving over profound losses. Few would argue that facing the devastating and continuing loss of having an impaired child is among the most painful experiences that a person can confront. After working with parents of the impaired for many years, I have come to believe that I was given bad advice. I have come to believe that pain is the solution, not the problem.

Parents, all parents, attach to their children through dreams, fantasies, illusions, and projections into the future. Children are our second chance, our ultimate "life products," the reflection and extension of our very being. To know that a human life exists that grows from our genes, our bodies, that is a result of our existence, brings a measure of spirituality into the most hardened individual. Something basic to our sense of being is stirred when we witness the miracle of the continuity of life. What happens when this core experience is marred irreversibly by disability? How does a parent survive the devastation of a handicap in their child that shatters their heartfelt dream? How do they go on? How can they help their child, their other children, themselves?

Before I started working in this field, I noted that people who faced adversity basically became better or worse; none stayed the same. What made the difference? Some parents seem to pull their lives together around their child's impairment, others go to pieces. Over fifteen years ago, I ran my first parent group comprised of mothers of children with special needs. These people helped me enormously as I started to answer some of the important questions that relate to coping with childhood impairment.

I began the group using traditional group psychotherapy methods, an approach designed to intervene on psychopathology. That approach did not work for a simple reason: those mothers were not suffering from pathologies, they were reeling from the impact of having disabled children. Gradually I let go of the old way of doing things and permitted myself to listen and learn from this courageous group of parents. Slowly, a pattern emerged that surprised me. It became evident that these people were manifesting a grieving process. This left me confused. It was clear that they were alternately anxious, angry, denying, guilty, depressed or fearful, but they were not internally "disturbed" people. Conversations focused on experiencing regrets, being overwhelmed, and other feeling common to people who are bereaved. My puzzlement: "Who died?" At that time, my understanding of grief was simple, concrete, and exclusively tied to death.

What followed was a remarkable process. The group members struggled with a number of concepts that led us all to some powerful contemplations about parental grief. Is it the loss of a "normal" child? Is it the disruption of one's "normal" lifestyle? Is it the sense of shame or humiliation that is experienced with family, friends, or other peers? Is it the profound disappointment that some experienced with the ineffective responses of their ostensible support group? We might have shared such thoughts endlessly, until I formulated a key question that helped to bring these diffused feelings and thoughts into focus. It came out innocently enough: "Think back to when you were anticipating the birth of your child. Who (or what) was this child to have been for you? What followed was a remarkable outpouring of poignant, anguished human sharing that, to this day, serves as the foundation for understanding and working with parents of impaired children.

Parents attach to children through core-level dreams, fantasies, illusions, and projections into the future. Disability dashes these cherished dreams. The impairment, not the child, irreversibly spoils a parent's fundamental, heartfelt yearning. Disability shatters the dreams, fantasies, illusions, and projections into the future that parents generate as part of their struggle to accomplish basic life missions. Parents of impaired children grieve for the loss of dreams that are key to the meaning of their existence, to their sense of being. Recovering from such a loss depends on ones ability to separate from the lost dream, and to generate new, more attainable, dreams.

As disability bluntly shatters the dreams, parents face a complicated, draining, challenging, frightening, and consuming task. They must raise the child they have, while letting go of the child they dreamed of. They must go on with their lives, cope with their child as he or she is now, let go of the lost dreams, and generate new dreams. To do all this, the parent must experience the process of grieving.

Grieving is an unlearned, spontaneous, and self-sufficient process. It consists of states of feeling that provide the opportunity for self-examination, leading to both internal and external change. The grieving states that facilitate separation from a lost dream are as follows: denial, anxiety, fear, guilt, depression, and anger. The word "states" is used instead of "stages," to emphasize grieving is not a step-by-step process that evolves through discrete stages. This depiction of what a parent goes through is a presentation of theory, not irrefutable fact. It is meant to help people find their own ways of dealing with the unspeakable. I look at it as a map, not a recipe. A recipe tells people what to do if they desire a particular result. A map, on the other hand, is one person's partial impression of reality that can be used by another to help them get to where they wish to go.

When theories of grieving are used as a recipe to produce acceptance, two false premises are inflicted on parents. The premise that grieving should move through a specific order is flatly inaccurate. A consistent pattern is not evident in people dealing with loss! Worse, when people believe that they are supposed to grieve in a certain way, they often end up thinking they are doing it wrong. Secondly, the concept of acceptance is totally unfounded. In almost twenty years of working with bereaved people, as well as dealing with my own losses, I have never seen anyone achieve acceptance of loss, only acknowledgement. Belief in the concept of acceptance leads parents into feeling like failures for not being able to attain it. Any use of grieving theory as a recipe is strongly discouraged.

Though the feeling states of grieving do not adhere to any strict order, there is a loose pattern that can be detected. Denial is always first, but may reemerge again and again, as often as the parent needs to experience it. Anxiety generally follows denial, but it can follow other feeling states as well. It is not uncommon for two or more feeling states to be experienced at the same time. Different families are more or less comfortable with showing certain feelings while discouraging others. In short, each person who goes through the grieving process experiences each of the feeling states, but does so in their own unique manner and order.

It is clear that this spontaneous, unlearned grieving process is central to the well-being of the child and parent alike. It is the only way that one can separate from a lost cherished dream. Many people do not make it. They have their dreams shattered by disability and collapse emotionally under the assault. Resisting the grieving process, they hold feelings in, blame self or others, become embittered, dependent, or even bizarre in their interactions. They can range from the selfless crusader to the deserter, from the alcoholic to the workaholic, from the outrageously high strung to the person who barely moves or talks. However they manifest their stuckness, these are the people who have become worse, not better, in response to loss. These are the people who could not or would not experience the feelings of grieving. Many of them resisted the process because their subculture (their family, neighbors, church, schools, and friends) sent out a consistent message: the feelings of grieving are not acceptable! Others foundered because they were stuck emotionally before they had their impaired child. Regardless of background, people become worse if they resist experiencing and sharing the spontaneous feelings of grieving. Each feeling state, no matter how negative, serves a specific and helpful function. To separate from a lost dream, one must experience and share denial, anxiety, fear, guilt, depression and anger in whatever order or manner the feelings surface.

The Feeling States of Grieving

1. Denial

People who deny are considered stupid, obstructionists, dull or deliberately irritating by many who have to deal with them. None of that is true. Parents of impaired children manifest denial as a normal course of trying to deal completely with loss. It is impossible to live life fully while maintaining an awareness of the awful things that can happen to people. Most people routinely shield themselves with such thoughts as "The terrible things that happen to other people can't happen to me, because... 11 This system works fine as long as nothing terrible happens, but when it does, no one is prepared to deal with it. This is where denial in the service of grieving comes in. Denial buys the time needed to blunt the initial impact of the shattered dream, to discover the inner strengths needed to confront what has really happened, and to find the people and resources needed to deal with a crisis for which one could not be prepared.

2. Anxiety

When a person loses a dream that is central to their being, they are forced to make major changes within themselves and within their environment. To deal with having an impaired child, parents go through dramatic changes that affect their attitudes, priorities, values, and beliefs, as well as altering day-to-day routines. Such changes require a great deal of energy. Anxiety mobilizes the energy needed to make these changes. Further, it gives focus to that energy so that the changes can be actualized. Anxiety is the inner source of the need to act.

Anxiety is generally seen as hysterical, inappropriate, and unacceptable. The culture's message is clear. As a rule we advise anxious people to "calm down," to take medication, or to use alcohol as a "solution" for the "problem" of anxiety. These unsolutions keep the parent from changing and often make things worse for all concerned. Realities must be faced, stressful as they might be. It does not take long for most parents to become aware that they, not some professional, are their child's medical, educational, and therapy managers, even though they may have minimal knowledge of these areas. That alone should drive home the urgent need for energies to be mobilized and focused by the crucial feeling of anxiety.

3. Fear

As anxiety mobilizes people to deal with change, fear is a warning that alerts the person to the seriousness of the internal changes that are demanded. One's sense of balance and order are dramatically challenged when one confronts a meaningful loss. The parents experience the terror of knowing that they will be required to change on a fundamental level, against their will, with full understanding that the process of internal change is very difficult.

Significant losses produce a profound sense of abandonment and vulnerability. We have a number of sayings to cope with this level of fear, e.g., "It is far better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." Each person must find their own words to confront the sense of abandonment and vulnerability generated by a significant loss. Most parents experience the fear of vulnerability about having more children after they have had an impaired child, or about "over-protectionism," the gut-wrenching fear of permitting their impaired child to do anything that feels risky. Given the ways that this part of grieving is manifest, it should not be difficult to see that fear is the medium that encourages the struggle to reattach, to love again in the face of a loss.

4. Guilt

Parents of impaired children manifest guilt through the normal course of grieving and are often criticized for doing so. Guilt is a feeling state that has become so identified with being neurotic that people feel guilty about feeling guilty. Since sharing such feeling often evokes negative judgments, it can be difficult for a sophisticated parent to talk about guilt freely. On the surface, guilt-ridden people may appear not only neurotic, but superstitious, ignorant and primitive. They are often viewed as unpleasant, uncomfortable people to be with and therefore are dismissed or treated harshly by friends, family, and professionals.

Generally, parents of impaired children express guilt in one of three ways. One way is by telling a story that explains how they are responsible for their child's handicap. Their story is often accurate and, on the whole, persuasive. The current emphasis on the prevention of birth defects has brought many parents to feel that they caused their child's impairment. The issue is not the logic, but the feeling of guilt. Another way that guilt is manifested is in the conviction that the child's impairment is punished for a past inappropriate thought, feeling, or action. One of the more common "guilt thoughts" is regretting the pregnancy sometime during gestation. When something goes wrong after that thought occurs, "it's all my fault" becomes a natural outcome. Lastly, guilt can be expressed through the parent's belief that good things happen to good people, and bad things happen to bad people. Because parents have an impaired child, they must be bad people. Because they have an impaired child, they must be bad people and consequently feel shame and guilt. How can such painful explanations of tragedy be useful to bereaved individuals? Simply by being explanations. Guilt "explains" the unexplainable.

Human beings began to question the "why" of things from very early on in their lives. What are the rules which govern the way of things: cause and effect as well as right and wrong? A most important "why" concerns how one's "right" or "wrong" actions effect one's life. What difference does it make that a person is moral, ethical, legal, caring, ambitious? How is it that one does or does not influence the events of one's life? Some of us found early and easy answers to these questions and have not considered them since. After a loss, such questions cannot be answered in an ordinary fashion. Rather, they must be addressed through the kind of grief-related struggles addressed here. When people confront a loss, the beliefs they held regarding cause and effect, right and wrong, and their impact upon life are deeply shaken. The order of things is totally upset when an innocent child suffers. The parent experiences deep pain, pain that can be used to reorder the rightness of the world. Guilt is the feeling state that facilitates this struggle to reorder. Basically the guilt-ridden person is saying that they are accepting responsibility for everything. It feels better to do that than to believe that they have no influence on anything! Guilt, in this sense, helps one to redefine the issue of cause and responsibility in the light of loss.

5. Depression

A common response to loss often is characterized by profound and painful sobbing. Parents report that at times it feels as though the tears will never stop. There is a rest, but then for no apparent reason, waves of despair and anguish wash over the parent once more. Between the tears, one can sit alone, staring silently. Those periods of silence can last well beyond the periods of tears. The thoughts of depression take over, thoughts like: "What's the use of trying, it's all over,," or "Nothing I do matters, because nothing will change what has happened to my child!" Depression is subtly rejected and judged as pathological by much of our culture. When people display such feelings, they are often told to "cheer up", given medication, or offered distractions. Such responses are inappropriate, for depression is part of normal, necessary, and growthful grieving. It attends to another aspect of a basic human struggle that loss stirs.

As we mature, we develop and modify our definitions of the following words: competence, capability, value, and potency. They are words of profound personal significance. They are the criteria that people use to decide if they are OK or not. What criteria does a person have to meet to feel like a competent parent, a capable worker, a valued friend, or a strong person? Each person determines these standards privately, even secretly. When parents are confronted with an impaired child, whatever definitions they held for competency, capability, value, and potency usually no longer apply. How does a mother feel competent when she has a retarded daughter? She can't use the measures of her peers, like having a daughter graduate from college, or become homecoming queen. What is the worth of a father who cannot "fix" what is broken in his impaired son? Out of this struggle of defining one's worth come the frightening feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and haplessness. Faced with loss, a parent feels unable to act effectively (helpless), unable to imagine that things will ever get better (hopelessness), and unable to believe that their lives are touched by good luck (hapless).

Such feelings are terrifying for both the parents and those around them. For that reason, it is hard to see that depression is a normal and necessary part of the grieving process. Depression is the medium that helps parents come to new definitions of what it takes to be a competent, capable, valuable and strong people, even though their child has impairments that they cannot cure.

6. Anger

Anger, for many people, is the most disconcerting of the feeling states. It too is a natural and necessary part of the grieving process. Parents feel anger at the harm done to their child and the shattering of their dreams. When one encounters a significant loss, it is likely that one's internal sense of justice is severely challenged. To continue to trust in the world, one must have a sense of justice that confirms an orderliness and fairness to the way the world works.

A parent can righteously demand to know why he or she has an impaired child: "Why me, why not you!" Implicit in the question is the notion that there must be good reason that such a thing happens to one parent and not to another. A parents'concept of justice, like value and worth, is another unique product of that individual's thinking and development. When confronted with the traumatic loss of a dream, that internal sense of justice is violated. Crying out in the face of injustice, the parent develops new ways to look at justice in the world. "What, after all, is fair, if this can happen?" Anger is the medium through which a parent redefines fairness and justice. It integrates new beliefs within the deepest emotional levels of the grieving parent.

Unfortunately, anger is an emotion that is actively rejected by the culture at large and bypeople closest to the parent. The angry parent experiences rejection by others, confusion about feeling anger and acting out the feeling, the feeling of being out of control. All of this makes it very difficult for this important feeling to run its course.

Anger also poses other dilemmas. Unlike the other feeling states of grieving, anger is directed toward someone or something. Who (or what) is the object of parental anger? This question deeply distresses most parents, because the honest answer is often so troubling that many people avoid asking themselves the question. The unacceptable answer, of course, is that the impaired child is the object of anger. After all, who has entered this parent's life, disrupted it, caused immeasurable pain, and drained the parent's time, energy, and money.

Most parents were raised to believe that feeling and expressing negative feelings about one's child is taboo. "The child never asked to be handicapped, let alone to be born. How can one be reasonably angry at this child?" If the child is blameless, than it must be unreasonable to feel anger toward the child-even though one does! The conflict between what parents feel and what they can permit themselves to express can cause a return to denial. Another outcome of this conflict is that the parent can displace the anger onto others. Spouses, non-impaired siblings of the impaired child, and professionals are all possible targets of this displaced anger.

When considering the feeling states of grieving, especially the feeling state of anger, logic and reason are irrelevant. Where is the logic behind cursing a rug that one has just tripped on? What is the purpose of kicking a flat tire? What good does it do to admonish anyone after they have already done the wrong thing? Expressing simple anger clears the way to getting on with the task at hand. Expressing anger opens the way to address the meaning of justice (though enacting angry behavior sidetracks the parent from the task at hand). While there is no logic, there is purpose and function to the expression of angry feelings. As events occur that violate one's sense of justice, the outrage must be expressed. Those expressions help to redefine one's concepts of fairness and justice.

The parent of an impaired child separates from dreams that were shattered by impairment through grieving. Denial, anxiety, fear, depression, guilt, and anger all emerge. If they are shared with other people, these feelings help parents grow and benefit from what might be the worst tragedy of their lives. Grief must be shared deeply and fully until the underlying issues are revealed. The reopening of these issues changes the parent's world view. New perceptions of themselves and their world serve as a solid foundation for coping with the disability and for personal growth. Yielding to the grieving process helps parents find the inner strength and external support needed to face profound loss; to mobilize and focus the energies needed to change their lives; to reattach to new dreams and loves in spite of feeling abandoned and vulnerable; to redefine their criteria for competence, capability, value, and potency; to reassess their sense of significance, responsibility, and impact upon the world around them; and to develop new beliefs about the universal justice system that makes the world a tolerable place to live, even though terrible losses can occur. The culturally rejected feeling states of denial, anxiety, fear, depression, guilt, and anger may be used in surprisingly positive ways when the feelings are fully shared. Perhaps you can see now why I think that experiencing and sharing the pain is the solution, not the problem. Through my life I have experienced many losses. For many years I dealt with these losses by stifling feelings, workaholism, toughing-it-out, and innumerable other ways that kept me from experiencing what had happened to me. I became one of the "walking wounded" that I was committed to helping. Ironically, it was not until I myself had a child with impairments that I began to take the advice that I had so freely given to other parents. I started to yield to the natural and necessary process of grieving. Like everyone else, I discovered that only now am I growing with the impact of the loss. I will continue to grieve and to grow as my child and I develop and experience new losses and new strengths.

The Parent's Struggle - My thoughts

Here is a copy of the email that I shared with the group. It expresses my feelings, thoughts and opinions as to what the Author was trying to convey in the article.

 Hi All-

I wanted to take a few minutes and give my opinions on this article.

Speaking from the perspective of a person with a visual impairment  (20/200)
 since birth, a mom of 5 "normal" children, a mom of a complex special  needs child (Timmy) and a mom to a son, who we lost to death at the tender age of 1 month.

I disagree with the Author when he says that "Parents, all parents, attach to their children through dreams, fantasies, illusions, and projections into the future." Other than "wanting" a healthy baby, I never had dreams, fantasies, illusions, or projections into "my" child's future. As a parent, I feel that my child, not I, should determine who and what they become in life. Through my nurturing and guidance from infancy, they can be anything
they set out to be. As a parent, I feel that by me projecting "my" dreams, fantasies, and illusions on what "I" want or feel that my child "should" become, only causes them to be put under undo stress, anxiety, depression and anger. The child is not being given a chance to become what they want to be, but rather what the parent wants them to become.

After only reading the first few paragraphs, I asked myself, How could the Author liken the grieving stages (states) of a child lost to death with the loss of a "normal" child? How or Why would a parent grieve for the loss of a "normal" child, if their child "only" had 1 disability ie (blindness, hearing impaired, the loss of limbs etc)? These child with only 1 disability can still become whatever they want in life. It may take them longer or it may have to be gained in a different way. My first assumption was that the Author "had" to be implying that the grieving parents were those of children who had multiple special needs.

After having read and re-read the article, looking back at my parents, and seeing that "I" had and still am grieving for Timmy, I can see where the Author is coming from.

I'm not sure at what age, my dad inparticular, had the "dream, fantasy, or illusion", that I would someday be a computer engineer. He worked long hours at a job in which, I later learned that he really didn't like, so that he could use his job benefit of a "fully paid for college education," through his work, to get me through many years of college. Well, due to my lack of common sense, I chose a different path for myself. I chose to become a mom
at a "very" young age. So I saw my dad go through the grieving process. Whether he or my mom went through the grieving process upon my birth and learning that I was legally blind, I honestly can't say or remember. I'm sure it is possible, being at the age of 4, I had to leave home to go away to attend our states blind school.

 It wasn't until I had finished reading this article, that I realized that "I" had and am still grieving for Timmy. We found out about Timmy's complex medical issues when I was about 17 weeks pregnant. This is when "DENIAL" first set in. I had 4 healthy children. I went to eveery OB visit. I ate well, took my prenatal vitamins, exercised daily and got plenty of rest. The ultrasound HAD to be wrong. This can't behappening to me, things like this only happen to other families.

 Upon Timmy's birth, when ALL of his disabilities we confirmed, I felt I had to know everything there was to know about each of Timmy's conditions. What medical treatments and therapies there were available. Where to find resources to help Timmy and us, as his parents, to better care for him. The ANXIETY still exsist, because I always feel that there "must" be something more that "i," his Doctors, his therapist and his teacher "could" be doing to help his development.

FEAR; I fear the unknown. Timmy has looong out lived any expectations of any of his Doctors. Will we have him for just another few days, weeks, months, or years? Will my taking him out in public, so that he can have the same experiences that my "normal" children had or have going to lessen his time here with us, due to him getting sick? Keeping Timmy in a protective bubble, so to speak, isn't an option, because I/We want Timmy to be able to experience life to its fullest, even with his disabilities.

GUILT; Even though genetic testing has been preformed and it has been determined that Timmy's medical issues are a result of "bad" genes, I still can't help but to blame myself. I find myself asking the question "I had 4 healthy children before Timmy, why weren't they affected?" Even though Timmy has a bad gene, "maybe" I picked up something from our pet cat that we had and this along with the bad gene caused his medical issues? Maybe I ate too much fish with mercury while trying to conceive or while pregnat and this along
with the bad gene caused his medical issues?

DEPRESSION; I find myself more often than not longing for a child who can chew a mouthful of food, so that he can enjoy the same foods as us, when we all go out to a resturant to eat, rather than having to eat everything pureed. I long for a child who can run and play with his younger sister, his older brother and his peer in the park. I long for a child who can ride a bike or be invited to sleep overs. I long for a child who can "SEE", not
 just hear, smell and feel the beauty of the world around him. I long for a world in which my child will be accepted, by family, friends and strangers. A world in which, when I take my child out not 1 person will stop to stare, point, or laugh. I long for a "normal" child. BUT I whole heartedly LOVE the child I have and wouldn't trade him for that "normal" child that
I sooo long for!

ANGER; i would like to be able to admit that this "stage" of grieving is behind me, being that I/We know that Timmy's medical issues are a result of a bad gene, but it isn't. I no longer blame Floyd (Timmy's dad), my parents or Floyd's parents. My current ANGER is towards GOD. I won't go into this, but maybe someone here can relate.

In my experience, grieving the loss of a "normal" child is much easier than that of the loss of a child to death. I have found that family, friends, and sometimes even strangers are more accepting to the grieving process of the loss of a "normal" chidl than some of these same people (family, friends)are to the grieving process of that to death. Why is this? I can only speculate. Maybe it is because with death it is harder for family, friends and strangers to find comforting words to ease the pain that a paent is feeling? And these same people don't know how to "cope" with the feelings that the grieving parent is experiencing? When there is only the loss of a "normal" child, family, friends and
strangers have the opportunity to step forward, to offer support, physically, mentally, emotionally and socially. And by doing so, they are able to help care for the disabled child.

After having read this article, I have discovered that it is through my membership to "this" support group, as well as several others, that I have become better educated, a better advocate and a better parent to Timmy, because of the support and information share by these support groups.

Now to summerize; "I" think that the Aurthor was saying that people deal with the loss of a "normal" child in "many" different way. One being that some Parent(s) don't go through a grieving porcess. That some parents when faced with adversity are able to mentally, emotionally, physically and socailly change their lives without even looking back. This is the group that I thought that I was in, until I had read this article. I have accepted Timmy's disability. I have accepted Timmy for "who he is" and not for what he will never be. I have changed my life so as to be able to care and provide for Timmy's needs. I have found the strength to educate myself and others. To stand strong and to be my son's voice.

Then there is a 2nd group, in which, Parents attach to children through core-level dreams, fantasies, illusions, and projections into the future. "I" think that here the Author was trying to convey, that these are the parents who have set high hopes for their child. These parents have dreamed of that All Star Little League Player, The Homecoming Queen, The Lawyer, The Teacher, and The someday of being a Grandparent. Depending on the child's
disability, their dreams, fantasies, illusions, and projections into the future for their child have ALL been shattered. In "my" opinion, these are the parents who choose what their child will become and not let the child decide on their own who or what they will be.

And finally the 3rd group. The group in which I now have found myself. The group of parents, who grieve for the simple things that their child can not or will not ever do, like talk, walk, run with their peers, play sports, be invited to sleep overs, go to the prom, have a job, get married, have their own children. The simple things that most people take foregranted and overlook, because it tends to be the norm for all children, except for those who have severe multiple disabilities. And for those who only have a single
disability (blindness, hearing impairment) There are things that the parents of these children grieve for as well. The missed opportunity to share the beauty of the world through sight. The missed opportunity to have your child hear your voice call their name or the sound of nature.

I feel that the Author was trying to say that it is more healthy "if" parents who need to grieve are allowed to do so. If their grieving is understood and accepted by their support team, family, friends and strangers. That parents have alot to gain by sharing their feelings and experiences through a support group or counselling. That each parent can
learn for others who are travelling down the same unpaved, winding road that leads to uncertainity, acceptance and love.

Happy Halloween

Here is our Little Princess in her Halloween costume. If you can't tell, she is supposed to be dressed up like a Princess. But being 4 years old and independant, she had her own idea as to what she felt that a Princess should look like. I wanted to add a tiara in her hair, more jewelry and for her to wear different shoes, but she wasn't having any of it. So dad took her out Trick-Or-Treating for about an hour. She came home with enough candy to last all of us for a year! You are probably wondering "why" we didn't take Timmy out Trick-Or-Treating? Well, for several reasons; 1. He can't eat the candy and Emily got enough for the entire family for a year! 2. He gets very restless just sitting in his kidkart, when we aren't doing much to stimulate him. 3. I was scared that he might pick up some virus, being out around all o fthose strangers. Even though Timmy has had his swine flu and his seasonal injections, just the thought of the shot not working scares the wholey cow out of me!

Here are a  few pictures from Halloween past.....

Timmy's 1st Halloween,
October 2004.
He was almost 1 year old!

Halloween of 2006. At the Pumpkin Patch. Timmy is almost 3 years old!

Halloween of 2006. At the Pumpkin Patch.

Emily is 13 months old. Timmy is almost 3 years old. Boy have they both grown! And Timmy has come a looong way developmentally.

ENT Visit Today

Timmy had an ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) visit with Dr. Z today. Dr. Z checked Timmy's ears. Ear tubes are still in place and no signs of any ear infections. Yay! We discussed Timmy's last sleep study results. Timmy has a couple of episodes of centeral apnea. BUT Dr. Z feels that this isn't a concern at this time, being that Timmy only dropped his O2 saturation level once (90) for only 1 minute. Nothing else of concern was noted on the sleep study.  We discussed Timmy's PRN oxygen orders. Dr. Z doesn't want Timmy's O2 saturation levels to drop below 92. If they maintain below 92 for a period of time without rebounding, he wants us to call him or the Dr. on call immediately.

It has now been THREE (3) months since Timmy had his trach removed. WOW, I can't believe it has been that long already. Time sure has flown by. What better way to memorialize this event, but a picture of Timmy with the Doctor who made this whole event possible.  (Sorry the picture quality isn't that good. All I had with me was my cell phone camera. I have asked Santa for a Digital camera for Christmas.)

After scoping Timmy to evaluate his airway, Dr. Z had faith that Timmy "could" possibly be successfully decannulated. And Dr. Z believed in us, as Timmy's parents, he felt that we knew Timmy better than anyone. And from the signs that Timmy was showing us, he definately was ready to have his trach removed. Thank You Dr. Z for being willing to give Timmy and us this wonderful opportunity to shine and make our everyday lives with Timmy MUCH easier!

Timmy also received his flu shots. Yes, both, the seasonal and the H1N1.  It must have been meant for Timmy to have received the H1N1 injection. I asked Dr. Z his opinion about Timmy getting the flu shots. And Dr. Z said "Yes, Timmy should most definately get them. BUT we are completely out of the H1N1 vaccine. The last dose was given early this morning" We agreed to just go ahead and have Timmy receive the seasonal flu shot. At least, this way he would be half protected. When we met with the Nurse in Pulmonology (Amber) she informed us that they "just" had received a shippment of H1N1 vaccines. Boy talk about Luck and Timing! Sooo, we agreed to have them give Timmy the H1N1 vaccine as well. Floyd spoke with Timmy's Endocrinologist later in the evening and Dr. Ali (Endocrinologist) stated that the hospital had ONLY received 30 doses of the H1N1 vaccine. And Timmy was the 1st person to have received a dose.

So now we wait and see, just how affective these vaccines will be for Timmy.  All of the talk on the news about young children and adults dying from contracting the H1N1 virus scares the Beegeebies out of me! So hopefully, the pain of these 2 injections will protect him throughout this entire flu season.

Home Made Toys

Over the years since Timmy's birth, we have sometimes found it difficult to find toys that Timmy is able to play with independantly and ones which will capture his interest and offer tactile and/or audiotory stimulation. The majority of the toys sold are geared towards babies/young children who can see and/or hear. So we find ourselves, more times than not, having to buy toys that we have to be creative and adapt to make them fun and stimulating for Timmy.

I'm hoping that my NEW category of post "Tuesday's Adapted Toys" and "Adaptive Life" will be helpful to other parents of Deaf/Blind babies and young children. And those familiy members and friends, who sometimes find it difficult to find FUN and STIMULATING toys.

Here are two examples of Homemade toys.

This is a toy that we made for Timmy. It is a ribboned ring holder.

 Items Needed:

1. Different colors and textures of ribbon, cut to at least 12in in length. You can make the ribbon length shorter if desired. The ribbon can be purchased at a craft store or a department store, which sells craft items.

2. A small clear plastic hand towel holder. We removed the hanging hardware. You can use any small diameter ring.

How to Assemble;
1. Fold each piece of ribbon in half.
2. Place the folded piece of ribbon through the center of the hand towel holder.
3. Bring the loose ends of the ribbon up and through the loop end of the ribbon and pull tight. Or you could just tie the ribbon to the hand towel holder.
4. Attach each piece of ribbon seperately.
5. Bring all of the attached ribbon together to one side of the hand towel holder or spread the ribbon all around the hand towel holder.

This Provides A Child With....

1. Visual stimulation with the bright colors of the ribbon.

2. Tactile stimulation from the different textures from the ribbon.

3. Helps the child to be able to learn to grasp an object. The "ring" is small enough for little hands to hold easily.

Even though Timmy can't see the different colors of the ribbon, he is stimulated by the different textures of the ribbon. He likes to rub the ribbons across his cheeks and feel them with his hands. The "ring" is light-weight and easy to grasp and hold. The "ring' is large enough for him to be able to manipulate with both hands at the same time.

This is a texture book, which was made for Timmy by an 7 year old little girl, who was trying to earn one of her Scout Badges. This textured book was given to Timmy by this little girl for Christmas, in 2004.

Items Needed:

1. Different textures of material, cut into 6x6 square pieces.

2. A heavy duty craft sewing needle.

3. Heavy duty thread, yarn, twine or something else to sew the pieces of material together in book form.

How To Assemble:

1. Arrange the pieces of material in the order of texture desired.

2. Lay the pieces of material one atop the other.

4. Sew the material pieces together along one side of the material. Making sure that the seam hold securely.

This Provides A Child With....

1. Visual stimulation from the different colored pieces of material.

2. Tactile stimulation from the different textures of material.

3. Light-weight and easy to grasp and hold. Can be manipulated with both hands at the same time.

Even though Timmy can't see the colors of the materials, he gets tactile stimulation from the different textures of material. He likes to explore each texture by rubbing the book over his face and feeling the material with his hands.

Being that "adapted" toys that are sold online or in catalogs are soooo expensive! Sometimes, it is best to just be creative and make your own simple toys.

Wal-Mart

All of the children that I know LOVE to go shopping. They beg to go to the store so that they can get some candy or a toy. I have even witnessed children having a major melt down in the toy section of a depeatment store, because they were not ready to leave. All of my children LOVE to go shopping, with great expectations of being able to get a toy or some candy. I have seen times, when all I needed was a couple of items from the store and actually had to sneak out of the house just to be able to make a quick dash to the store.

Well, actually all of my children LOVE to go shopping except for Timmy. He HATES to go shopping anywhere. He has some kind of special radar, which seems to alert him that we have just entered a store. As soon as we step inside the doorway, not feet, but merely inches, Timmy goes into a full blown major temper tantrum! Screaming, crying, his face turns beet red, his entire body goes rigid.  It doesn't matter if the store is crowded or almost empty, if we are at a department store, a pharmacy or a grocery store. We have yet to figure out the reason behind this behavior, except for the fact that he HATES to go shopping.

We have tried taking him out of his stroller and carrying him around in the store. At least, this way we felt that if it were a security issue he would feel safe in our arms. Doesn't work. We have tried talking to him and helping him work through the tantrum. Doesn't work, he just gets louder. We have tried taking him into the restroom thinking that being away from the atmosphere of the store and a diaper check might help. Doesn't work. We have walked into the outside garden section of Wal-Mart hoping that this would calm him down and give him the sense that he was once again outside. Even this trick doesn't work. The only thing that will calm him down is for us to COMPLETELY leave the store with him. Immediately upon stepping outside of the store, not by feet, but by mere inches, he stops with the tantrum and gives us this BIG smile and a giggle.

Most of the time Dad or Timmy's Home Health Nurse will take him outside so that the shopping can be completed. Yesterday when we went to Wal-Mart to pick up some party supplies for his upcoming birthday party. You guessed it, Timmy immediately went into his melt down. Timmy's nurse carried him back outside to the car, which left me pushing his stroller around empty in the store. A customer stopped me and pointed out that the baby was no longer in the stroller. Sorry guys, but I just couldn't resist. I replied, while clutching the bag of party supplies that I had just purchased, "Oh, I know. Wal-Mart now has this new trade it plan. Swap any item for food. I just left him over there (pointing towards the toy isle) with the other Cabbage Patch Kids!" The look on the person's face was priceless. I walked away without saying another word.

What can I say, stupid comments sometimes deserve stupid replies.

Visit To The Pumpkin Patch

We took the kids to the park and the Pumpkin Patch today. Emily, of course, ran herself ragged at the park. Timmy, on the other hand, finds the park relaxing and the perfect place to take a nap.

The temperature here today is in the mid 70's. with a slight chance of rain. Not the type of weather that I associate with Fall or Halloween. When I think of Fall or Halloween, I think of cool, crisp days, where the leaves are changing colors and falling from the trees. Where the kids wear sweats and are bundle up in a light jacket when they go out to play. I think of a nice warm fire in the fireplace in the evenings, and sipping hot chocolate.

The warm weather just doesn't set the mood for Halloween for me. In fact, it is a bit depressing. I feel that maybe instead of carving the pumpkins into Jack-O-Lanterns, we should let the kids paint the pumpkins, hide the pumpkins for the kids to find, and maybe even do a pumpkin roll, like an Easter Egg roll. Having lived in the South all of my life, I guess this is one reason that I'm not a big fan of Halloween. It seems that the weather around this time fo year is just to crazy and never cooperates for the season. So for the sake of the kids, I guess we will stick to the tradition of the Halloween Holiday.

At the Pumpkin Patch, we let the kids picks out their own pumpkin. We will carve the pumpkins into Jock-O-Lanterns, let them have fun playing in the pulp and I'll roast pumpkin seeds.

Take a closer look at Emily's socks. I guess in her own young mind she agrees with her MaMa. She is definately ready for cooler weather and a much more fun Holiday!

Look at our little man. He is sitting up all by himself so nicely. It is hard to believe that he has made this much progress in just 1 year!

Adapted Shape Sorter

Nathan's mom over at http://www.prayfornathan.org/, gave me an idea for our blog. THANK YOU Marcela! Occasionally, I will be adding different items that we have bought and adapted for Timmy. I will also be giving my suggestions and opinions on different products that we are using or have used.

Being that Timmy is blind and has a hearing impairment, we try to find toys that will appeal to his sense of touch and which also has some audiotory out for stimulation. Sometimes this can be difficult, especially when these types of "adapted" toys for the special needs child are so expensive. We have to find ways to adapt toys that can be bought at Toys R Us, Wal-Mart or other retail stores.

Here is an example of one of Timmy's toys that we adapted to make it more sensory friendly for him.

This is the Fisher-Price Laugh and Learn Cookie Shape Surprise. It can be purchased from Amazon for $19.99 or somethingsimilar can be purchased from Enabling Devices for $86.95+. The shape sorter has a volume control switch on the bottom. It has 2 modes of play 1. Shape mode 2. Number mode. There is a sensor in the sorter that detects when an item has been added to the "cookie jar." Once an item has been added, there is a motivational short song that is played and the red nose lights up, to encourage children along in play.

                                                                         

We adapted the shape pieces with items  found around the house and attached the items to each shape by using a hot glue gun. As you can see in the above picture there are five different shaped pieces (Star, Heart, Square,Triangle, Circle). We used an old beaded necklace, cotton, piece of crinkly plastic paper, a piece of rubber and a piece of silky material. Other items that could also have been used are; sand paper, a piece of sponge, other textures of material etc... Let your imagination run wild with whatever you can find around the house. Even though the shaped pieces will no longer fit into the aproperate shaped slots, it still can be used by dropping the shapes into the cookie jar through the opening at the top. This is our goal for Timmy, for him to be able to pick up the pieces and drop them into the cookie jar. Being that we used a hot glue gun to attach the items to each of the shapes, they should be easily removable in the future, so that the toy can be played with by placing each shaped piece into its corresponding shaped hole on the cookie jar.

Telling Time

Timmy hasn't been sleeping well lately. We have been trying to figure out why. He has been waking up around 2am and staying awake all day, without even taking a nap. So when bedtimes comes, we know that he is definately tired and sleepy. Bedtime for Timmy is around 9pm. Five hours of sleep, sometimes less, isn't enough for an adult, let alone a growing boy.

Timmy loves birds. He has this bird clock in his room, at the top of each hour the corresponding bird chirps off the hour. For the past few weeks the birds and the corresponding hour have been set wrong. We didn't think anything about the birds not lining up correctly with the correct hour. All that was important to us, was that the clock was set to the proper time. Dottie, one of Timmy's home health nurses pointed out that maybe, just maybe, Timmy isn't sleeping well, because the hour isn't corresponding to the proper bird. That maybe Timmy has gotten use to which bird sounds on the hour in which he is usually woken up and which bird sounds when he is put to bed. And having the wrong bird chirp at the incorrect hour is confusing him and making him think that it is time to wake up. Made sense to me. So Dottie reset the clock so that the correct bird chirps on the correct hour. Would you believe it, Timmy slept very well last night. So we shall see if this was the problem. If so, who says that a blind child, with a brain disorder can't learn to tell time?

The Brave Little Soul

When I look at Timmy I can see a Brave Little Soul. I can imagine him jumping up and down, asking God to send him to Earth so that he can bring Love and Goodness to others.

In Timmy's almost six years of life, he has touched the lives of many and taught others a great deal about life and living.

He has taught me...
-The true meaning of Unconditional Love.
-He has given me the courage and strength to stand up, seek and fight for what I want and believe to be in my or his best interest.
-Compassion - He has shown me that there is others in this world and in my life, that the world and life doesn't just revolve around ME.
-Patience - That through hard work, persistancy and dedication, inchstones can happen and nothing is impossible.
-Empathy -That verbal communication isn't always necessary. That through his award winning smile, his contageous laughter, his cries, and body language, I'm able to experience and understnad his world.
-Creativity. That when an object is out of our reach due to its expense, be creative and adapt something or make our own.

He has taught the OB/GYN's and Perinatologists who overseen my care while I was pregnant, that Miracles CAN and DO happen. To be honest with their patients, but also inform the patient that they have see success stories. And let the patient make their own decisions as to what and how they want to continue with the pregnancy.

He taught his NICU Neonatologist that it is sometimes necessary to think outside the box. That not all medical situations follow what he has learned and experienced throughout his medical practice. The most impartant thing that the Neonatologist learned was that it is posible for a baby to be born with completely blocked nasal passages. Now when a baby first enters into his care the Neonatologist will try passing a feeding tube down each nasal passage to ensure that the nose is open.

Timmy has taught Doctors and Specialists that the Parents know the child better than they. So the care that they provide will be more affective IF they were to take the time to sit and listen to the parents. Address all of the parents concerns. And then offer suggestions, ideas and advice.

He has taught Teachers and Therapists that if realistic goals are set, placed into the right conditions and given the proper materials, along with persistance guidance, EVERY child CAN learn.

Timmy also has brought love, kindness, empathy, and inspiration into the lifes of family members, friends and strangers.

Here is the story of the "Brave Little Soul" I hope that it brings joy, love and inspiration into you life, as well.

"The Brave Little Soul"
- By: John Alessi -

Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world.
He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God.
One day however the little soul was sad, for on this day he saw suffering in the world.
He approached God and sadly asked, "Why do bad things happen?
Why is there suffering in the world?"
God paused for a moment and replied, "Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people's hearts."
The little soul was confused. "What do you mean," he asked.
God replied, "Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone."
The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued,
"The suffering soul unlocks the love in people's hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this - it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer - to unlock this love - to create this miracle for the good of all humanity."

Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain herself. With her wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied.
"I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people's hearts! I want to create that miracle!"
God smiled and said, "You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you".
God and the brave soul shared a smile, and then embraced.
In parting, God said, "Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed."

Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through her suffering and God's strength, she unlocked the goodness and love in people's hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys, some regained lost faith - many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased.

What does she really know?

We went to a Parent-Teacher meeting the other day, at Emily's Preschool, to discuss with Mrs. Maxey, Emily's Pre-K teacher, Emily's beginning of the year test results. All of the children are tested 3 times during the year. The 1st. time is to give the teacher an idea as to what each child already knows and the 2nd and 3rd tests are to record progress.

Emily is currently 51 months old. And she scored within her age range for each section of the test. The shocker to us was her scores in Cognitive and Language. Even though her scores were within her age range, we had thought that she would have scored higher. When we brought up our concerns to Mrs. Maxey, she assured us thaat Emily "could" have most definately have scored higher. BUT on these two particular areas of the test, when Emily was asked a question, she would follow up the question asked to her with her own question or drift off into a casual conversation about something she had experienced in reference to the question being asked or something on a totally different subject.

Even thought these test results aren't a "completely true" picture as to what each child knows, they do give the teacher a good idea. The test results may vary because the child may have been pulled away from an activity that they were enjoying or the child may be more focused on an upcoming activity of the day that the teacher has planned or the child may be sick or tired. Emily's problem is that she gets distracted very easily and LOVES to talk about things that she knows about or has experienced. She is also a VERY inquisitive child. We were given a print out of activities that we can work with Emily on to help strengthen her emerging skills.

The Lemonade Award

Carly from www.carlyandjay.wordpress.com nominated me to receive the Lemonade Award. Thank You Carly!! I have to admit, I feel flattered to have received this nomination. When I started this blog, it was my hope and intention to have a place where I could offer information, inspiration and support to others. I really enjoy writing on our blog, but I feel that there must be more that I could offer to others that would be helpful as well as interesting. So if anyone would like to drop me some suggestions or ideas as to what you would like to see on our blog, feel free to do so.

What is the Lemonade Award?
A Lemonade Award is given to bloggers who show a positive attitude, gratitude, and a willingness to share their ideas, support and online friendship. Another words, When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade and share the wealth.

Here are the rules of the award:
- Put the Lemonade logo on your blog or within your post.
- Nominate at least 10 blogs with great attitude or gratitude.
- Link the nominees within your post.
- Let the nominees know they received this award by commenting on their blog.
- link to the person from whom you received this award.

Here ae my nominations, but not in any particular order:
1. http://anewkindofperfect.blogspot.com/
2. http://danieljohnmaxwellspranger.blogspot.com/
3. http://www.gavinowens.com/
4. http://iveysirmans.blogspot.com/
5. http://www.myspecialks.com/
6. http://littlewonders-heather.blogspot.com/
7. http://thetenderscribe.blogspot.com/
8. http://lovethatmax.blogspot.com/
9. http://theashleykids.blogspot.com/
10. http://www.cartermcates.com/

Enjoy the reading and the new friendships.

Woman Born With Half A Brain Stuns Doctors

This definately proves that the brain is an amazingly wonderful organ. Maybe just maybe, one day Timmy will be featured in his own similar news story.

Embedded video from CNN Video

Fire Safety Week

This week is fire safety and prevention week. Our local fire departments take some time out of their busy schedules each day to visit the Pre-K and Elementary Schools in the area. Today the firemen came to visit Emily's Pre-K school. Unfortunately, I was not told in advance that the firemen would be visiting, so I wasn't able to get any pictures of Emily at school with the firemen, fire truck and the fire dog. But I did take the opportunity to snap a couple of cute pictures of her when she got home.

Mom: Can you tell me what you learned about fire safety today.

Emily; Yes, I learned I want to be an astronaut instead. Being a fire fighter is hard.

Mom: So what do astronauts do?

Emily: They go to out space.

Mom: Don't you think that being an astronaut would also be hard work?

Emily: Noooo silly. All they do is fly.

Mom: Wouldn't learning to fly be hard work?

Emily: Noooooo, birds do it all daaaay.

Saturday At The Park

I was hoping to be able to get these posted sooner, but we all have been taking turns with a yucky 72 hour virus of some sort. My turn happened to be Saturday evening through Tuesday. Timmy's turn also happened to be the same time as mine. How lucky we were to have been sick together.

We have found the cure to Emily's hyperactivity. Just take her to the park for 2 hours and let her run wild! She took a 2 hour nap upon our arrival back home.

As you can see, Mr. Timmy LOVES to swing while the warm sunshine hits him in the face. I too LOVE the warm sunshine. I think we both will choose to come back as cats in our next life.

We all had forgotten that this past weekend was River Fest and that each year there is a horse show at the park. Luckily, Coastal Therapy Riding was there and we were able to get info. We are seriously considering signing Timmy up for therapy riding sessions. These sessions would greatly help Timmy with his balance, help him to be more aware of his body in space and possibly help with his head positioning in conjunction with balance.

We took the kids to feed the ducks and geese at the park. I really wanted to take Timmy out of his stroller so that he could help feed the ducks, but as you can see the ducks and geese out numbered us greatly. So I felt that Timmy was safer in his stroller and just listening to the ducks.

Timmy was assigned the most important job of all, Bread Distributor. Someone had to be incharge or else Emily would have just feed all of the bread to the ducks at once.

Why is it that ducks and geese always act as though they are starving, even after they have been fed? We had to sneak away as Emily explained it, so that we didn't get tacked.

Notice how she is dressed? An everyday dress, shorts, socks and sneakers. I swear I didn't dress her. I was able to get her to come to a compromise. To wear the shorts under her dress, which she insisted that she HAD to wear to look bootiful. This picture was taken almost 2 hours after her running and playing in the hot sun. She's tired, can't you tell? I guess the pumkin patch will had to wait til another day.

Motherly Love To The Extreme!

Want to guess how many strands of spaghetti there is in a 8oz box? There are approximately 280 strands. A 2oz (! serving) of dry spaghetti has approximately 70 strands of spaghetti. How would I know this? And why would I want to know? Yes, I counted an entire 8oz box of spaghetti, peice by piece. Talk about Motherly Love to the Extreme!

Timmy is a very brittle diabetic. Every carbohydrate that he eats has to be counted. If we should happen to miscount somewhere, his blood glucose levels will either skyrocket or plummet. Due to his genetic disorder his cholesterol is extremely elevated. A typical meal for Timmy consists of a Chef Boyardee meal or a Hormel Dinner with a stage 2-3 baby food veggie and fruit. Both of these have tons of sodium, fat and cholesterol. We have been using these meals, because it makes mealtime easier. The total of carbohydrates are printed right on the back of the packaging. So simple. No having to try to figure out how many carbs there is in a particular food (not all brands of foods are listed in are Carbohydrate book) or having to guess when food are mixed during preparation.

We have decided to take on the task and challenge of preparing Timmy's meals, in hopes of getting his cholesterol level better under control. So being the Loving, Caring, Dedicated Mother that I am I took the time, instead of just guessing, to count every single strand of spaghetti tonight, so that Timmy could have spaghetti with the rest of the family.

Or maybe we should just let Emily manage Timmy's diabetes......
She would stop feeding him. According to her, this makes him waaay to sweet. And give him enormous amounts of insulin, because this doesn't make him sweet anymore. Hmm, now that I think about it, I can see why she wouldn't want him too sweet. Having him not to be sweet, she would be able to prove that Timmy IS the one who is always doing something that he isn't suppose to, like jumping on the bed, then onto the floor! Or the one who actually snuck that 2nd popsickle out of the freezer and gave it to her! Can you feel the love?